Let me be myself
by christine29311
Summary: Dave has changed but he has to deal with his mates who except him to be the bullying jock as before.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hallo. This is prolog to my second story. By your reaction to this I'll decide if there will be more or I take this down. **

**So hope you like it. I apologize for all my mistakes and bad grammar. **

**I don't own Glee.**

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><p>Dave was sitting in his car on the parking lot in front of the McKinnley. Today he started his senior year. He should have been excited, after all senior jocks ruled this place; they could get away with almost anything. But this didn't matter to Dave anymore. He wasn't the same person, who picked on nerds and unpopular kids. He'd changed a lot. He wanted nothing to do with people he thought were his friends just half a year ago. He knew now, they didn't know him at all. They just knew Dave, the stupid jock, bully who picked on others. But it was just an act Dave played to be popular and to hide his true self.<p>

He sighed and got out of the car. He took his backpack and started to walk to the front door. He saw jocks beside the dumpsters.

'_They still didn't stop their morning ritual.'_ thought Dave and wanted just go by them. He definitely wasn't joining them. But he was not going to stop them either. He just wanted to be kind of invisible, just to hide in the crowd.

But then he saw someone. He'd never seen him before. The boy was quite short, thin and had short light brown hair. What was the most noticeable were his big brown eyes. His clothes weren't as extravagant as Kurt's but it still was not the usual style of a teenager in Lima. His dark blue jeans and tight black shirt with two buttons undone, both clearly designer, belonged more to New York than to high school in Ohio. He was nervously looking around himself as he went to the building.

"Hey, new kid," called Dave just loud enough for the boy to hear. He turned to Dave and looked at him but stayed still.

"Come here," said Dave and grabbed his shoulder. When they stood between two cars where couldn't be seen, Dave noticed that the boy was shaking. He was scared of him.

"Calm down, I'm not gonna hurt you. Just listen to me, OK?" When he got a nod from him, Dave continued: "First of all. You've never met me, never talked to me. Just do what I say and you won't get to trouble. Do you see the four people right there? The two jocks, the small guy and one in fancy clothes?" Dave pointed across the parking lot.

"Yeah, what about them?"

"When they get near, go right to them and asked them something. Where is the office, anything. Just be with them when you go around the jocks by dumpsters. You'll be safe with them. And don't forget. We never met." With this Dave turned around and went away. But behind the tree he looked back to the building. He saw the new guy talk to Kurt as they went around the jocks with just few glares thanks to Puck and Finn. As they entered the school, Dave sighed, looked to the ground and went to the back entrance.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is the next part of my story. I was asked if there's gonna be a romantic relationship for David. The answer is: I've no decided yet. There will be an original character but that doesn't mean they end together (or maybe they will). I know already that there won't be Kurtofsky relationship (just friendship maybe) because I like Blaine too much. **

**About this chapter: I hope it is not confusing for anybody. I wanted to explain some things about Dave's behavior. The next chapter will be back to storyline. **

**Thank you all of you who alerted or favorited this story. Special thank you to rewievers. **

**So hope you like it. I apologize for all my mistakes and bad grammar. **

**I don't own Glee.**

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><p>The first day of school was just two hours long home room. All students on their way out of school were making plans with their friends for the afternoon. Dave lingered in the classroom. The only people that might have hanged out with him were the other jocks and he couldn't be with them. He'd managed to avoid them so far. He didn't want to be forced to put on his mask of the stupid jock. So he waited for a while and then went straight to his car and drove away.<p>

First he didn't know where he was going to go but then he drove around a big park with lake in the middle. He parked car and went to the lake. It was still early so there weren't much people around, just few little kids and their mothers on the playground. Dave sat on a bench that was right at the lake shore.

There was quiet and no one disturbed him. He started to think. He was thinking about last year, about what his parents wanted him to be, what his teammates were expecting from him. But most importantly he was thinking about what he wanted, just him, without caring what other people would be thinking.

He realized during the summer that the bullying was wrong not only because he was hurting other students that hadn't done anything wrong but also because it was hurting him. He didn't like bullying others. He was tired from playing the role of the tough jock that others were afraid of. He decided to stop but he knew he wasn't brave enough to fight the rest of bullies to quit doing this too. Today when he helped this new kid, he actually felt little better about himself. Sure, last year with Santana he helped some others but that was just because he was blackmailed by Santana. Today he found out that the club against bullying was dissolved. It would be easy to go back to be the bully that everybody thought he was. But he made his mind. He wouldn't bully people anymore.

He also made a research and found sites about being gay. As he was reading stories from other gay people and the advices for them, he slowly realized that there was nothing wrong with him and accepted that he's gay and he can't do anything against it.

His family life wasn't really bad but he knew that if he came out his parents wouldn't take it well. His father didn't like his behavior towards Kurt and he wasn't really homophobic. But he was his son and that was different than some stranger. He remembered that evening after he was expelled, he heard his parents talking. His father said: "Thank God that our son is not gay. I don't have anything against them. If they want to live like this, it's their choice. But I couldn't bear the shame, the looks of the people, the rumors. The people would think that it's our fault. Just like Hummel, they say that he's like this because his mother died when he was small. I'm a good parent and our son grew up in perfect family." Dave knew, his mother has these ideas about him with a beautiful woman, a house and bunch of kids. He wasn't ready to come out just yet, but he knew the time when he's gonna do it was close.

Dave also was thinking about his future. He realized that high school was almost over and he would have to decide what to do next. He knew he could get a football scholarship only if they win again this year, so he promised himself that he would train harder than before to make it happen. He also needed good grades. He finally figured out what he wanted to be. His father expected him to become a lawyer, like he was. But he wanted to be a doctor, an orthopedist, a pediatrician, or a psychiatrist. He wasn't sure. But he found out that his grades from last year were not even nearly good enough to get on a medical school. So he swore that this year he would be studying a lot to make up for the last two years. He wasn't stupid; he knew he could do it. But he had a backup plan. If he couldn't make it to medical school, he would become a therapist for athletes or a masseur.

All his decisions about his education were written on the first page of his notebook, where he would write down his homework, his study plan and also his training plan. It looked like he had a really busy year ahead of him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, this is the next chapter. I know it's really late but I have been either busy or had no mood for writing. **

**I want to say that I'm not really familiar with education system in the US. So if you find mistakes, feel free to send me a message and I'll correct it. **

**So hope you like it. I apologize for all my mistakes and bad grammar. **

**I don't own Glee.**

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><p>The very next day started Dave his plan. In the morning he went jogging, nothing too much. He couldn't start with a track too long. Just step by step. No one would be lifting a hundred kilo at first try.<p>

After his shower he ate breakfast and went to school. He was early because he didn't want to run into one of the jocks and have to think of a reason why he's not throwing a nerd into dumpsters.

He went to library instead and read a book they needed for English class. He hadn't got any other homework yet. He waited there till second bell. His classroom was just down the corridor so he wouldn't be late and others would think he just overslept.

Dave's day went quite well. It was before the fourth period and he made his way to his next class when he saw three of his teammates with slushies. _"He needs a proper welcome to McKinnley. He should know he can't parade his gayness here without consequences." "Has he joined the homo club yet?" "I don't know, I think not yet. But Hummel's little boyfriend has." "Yeah, I know, but these two has protectors around them all the time." _

It was clear to Dave that they were talking about that new boy. He didn't know why he did it. He didn't stop to think about it. He went through one classroom so they wouldn't see him and was a few meters before them. He saw the boy in front of his locker right next the door of a class room. He stayed in the door and noticed that the jocks are ready to throw the slushies. He grabbed the boy by his arm and pulled him in the classroom just in time. The iced drinks ended on the lockers. That pissed them but right at the time the bell rang and they headed away.

Dave turned to the boy, who was little shocked. "You should be more careful. Maybe join Glee club. And remember, you've never met me." With that he went away to his class.

At his lunch break he quickly ate and went to the library and did his homework from morning classes. It was just few problems in math and a chapter for his history lesson. Then he took the simplest biology textbook and stared to read it through to find out how much he forgot from last years. He was pleasantly surprised that he knew almost everything from this level. He wrote a note to his notebook and ticked of his homework that was already done.

After school he had football training. It was a hard training because the coach said they were lazy in the summer and needed to get back to shape. Dave did all he was told and almost didn't talk with others. At the end of the training he waited till everyone was in the locker room and jogged two more laps in slow tempo. He found out it clears out his mind. When he was done all the boys had went home already. He took off his football gear and went to the gym to work out for an hour.

As he went home he felt great. He was in great mood that his plan was going good so far.

But his mood dropped to freezing point the moment he walked into the house. His father was already at home and called Dave to his office.

"David, you are in your senior year and your mother reminded me that it's time to decide about the college. I already talked with my colleagues who are teaching at the law schools. They told me that you need really good college to be accepted to law school. I also called to your school and asked them to send your records. I wasn't pleased at all with them; to be honest I was really disappointed. Your grades are not good enough to get to a good college."

Dave just sat there and looked at his hands on his lap. He knew this talk was coming but he didn't expect it so early. He knew about his father's plans for him and that whatever he wanted to say was pointless.

His father didn't wait for Dave's response and continued.

"So I came up with a backup plan. You are going to a local college and work with me to gain experience. Then you'll pass the exams and can work at my firm full time as assistant for the lawyers or for judge."

Dave thought, that this was all his father wanted to say so he nodded and started to get up.

"I'm not done yet," pointed out his father.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm not happy with your behavior either. You had problems in school last year that I hope will not repeat this year. You should start to behave like an adult. You have to be an example for your brothers. So I hope you'll think about your faults. I expect no calls from your school this year that you're in trouble. Do you understand?"

Dave looked up but didn't meet his father's eyes.

"Yes, sir," answered Dave with a phrase that he knew his father required in such situation.

"I'm glad we understand each other. And David, your mother was complaining that you are not talking to anyone in the family and always are in your room. So try to be a part of family life more. Now you may go."

Dave again just nodded and went out to the hall and then immediately to his room. "So much for a good mood," said Dave to himself and closed the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey, this is the next chapter. Little earlier for the long waiting for chapter 3.**

**I want to say that I'm not really familiar with education system in the US. So if you find any mistakes, feel free to send me a message and I'll correct it. **

**So hope you like it. I apologize for all my mistakes and bad grammar. **

**I don't own Glee or any songs used in this story.**

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><p>The next morning Dave did his morning run but it didn't feel as good as yesterday. He was grumpy and mad at his father. Dave hated the way he planned whole life for him. Job, house, wife, kids. Everything. And not once had been Dave asked what he wanted. His father just informed him about his decisions.<p>

So Dave rather went to school two hours earlier than faced anyone from his family. He went to the library to read book for his English class. This year they had to choose at least two books from a list that their teacher gave them. Dave had chosen "1984" by George Orwell. He liked it very much but it was little depressive. It was only second day but he had a half of the book read.

When he heard the first warning bell he took his things and went to his first class. But in the hall he met Ms. Pillsbury.

"Good morning, David."

Dave just mumbled a quick "morning" and wanted to go but he was stopped. ]

"Can you, please, go to my office for a little while?"

So he was sitting in front of school counselor and waited. Ms. Pillsbury looked at him for a few second and then started:

"How are you David?" He just shrugged his shoulders. "Ok, I guess. Same as always."

"Your father called here and wanted your records. I called him to make sure he got them. He didn't sound very happy."

Again Dave just shrugged. It was nothing new for him. His father was never pleased with anything he did.

"Is everything all right at home? You know you can talk to me, don't you?"

"Everything is fine," answered Dave but Ms. Pillsbury could tell that something was bothering him.

"David, you know holding your feelings inside isn't good. You should talk to someone or find a way to express what you feel."

"I have gym and football for this."

"I know and that's good, but this way you release just one kind of them, like anger and frustration. You need a way to express hurt, unhappiness or on the contrary happiness and pride."

Dave nodded. He understood what she meant.

"I would advise you to join Glee club or theater class, " she started but when she saw Dave's expression she quickly continued: "but I know you wouldn't do that. So for now just think about it and try something on your own."

At this the bell rang and she sent Dave to the class. In the classes was everything as usual. His lunch period spent Dave again in library where he did homework and studied chemistry. After school he didn't have football training but he still went to gym to work out for an hour. When he made his way out of the building, he went around the doors to the auditorium. He remembered the words of Ms. Pillsbury. He went inside. There was no one around. He climbed on stage and looked around.

"_I could try this. There's no one to hear me. It could work." _Dave thought. He didn't know what song he should sing but then he took out his iPod and found a song that was almost perfect for his situation. Dave plugged his iPod to the sound system and pressed play.

The music started to play. Dave stood in the middle of stage and started singing.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
>Feeling so faithless, Lost under the surface<br>Don't know what you're expecting of me  
>Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes<br>(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
>Every step that I take is another mistake to you<br>(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)_

In the first verse his voice was shaky. But in the chorus he just closed his eyes and sang loud and clear.

_I've  
>become so numb<br>I can't feel you there  
>Become so tired<br>so much more aware  
>I'm becoming this<br>All I want to do  
>Is be more like me<br>and be less like you_

_Can't you see that you're smothering me_  
><em>Holding too tightly afraid to lose control<em>  
><em>Cause everything that you thought I would be<em>  
><em>Has fallen apart right in front of you<em>  
><em>(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)<em>  
><em>Every step that I take is another mistake to you<em>  
><em>(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)<em>  
><em>And every second I waste is more than I can take<em>

_I've_  
><em>become so numb<em>  
><em>I can't feel you there<em>  
><em>Become so tired so much more aware<em>  
><em>I'm becoming this<em>  
><em>all I want to do<em>  
><em>Is be more like me<em>  
><em>and be less like you<em>

_And I know_  
><em>I may end up failing too<em>  
><em>But I know<em>  
><em>You were just like me<em>  
><em>with someone disappointed in you<em>

_I've_  
><em>become so numb<em>  
><em>I can't feel you there<em>  
><em>Become so tired<em>  
><em>so much more aware<em>  
><em>I'm becoming this<em>  
><em>all I want to do<em>  
><em>Is be more like me<em>  
><em>and be less like you<em>

_I've_  
><em>become so numb<em>  
><em>I can't feel you there<em>  
><em>(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)<em>

_I've_  
><em>become so numb<em>  
><em>I can't feel you there<em>  
><em>(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)<em>

The song ended but Dave stood there with closed eyes for a few moments. He couldn't believe how great it felt. That song said everything that he wanted to say to his father but he hadn't had the courage. He now understood why someone could like Glee club. He knew he found a way to express his feelings. He could sing just when he was alone but it didn't metter.

What Dave didn't know at that time was that someone was in the auditorium and listened to him sing.

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><p><strong>For anyone who doesn't know the song, it's "Numb" by Linkin Park.<strong>


End file.
